Yes

orchestra is driving me CRAZY!!!!! it sucks that im starting to hate it.. kinda sad actually.. but im glad i have people that i can talk to about it to..

its just the issuse of people not caring and there being no motivation/standard...

if no one tells u that u are doing something wrong, then u wont change anything.

if no one pushes u or expects better out of you, then y try?

if u do work hard and dont get rewarded for it, then y try?

im tired of not "hurting peoples feelings" or "having a bad attitude"

and i let someone have it one their evaluation last week... i even wrote out a rough draft for the comments section so i wouldnt forget anything.. and i should have done that same thing on others but i got distracted and didnt think about it.. but i hope that person reads what i wrote.. and i know they prob wont think it was me that wrote it and that might be my only regret is that i didnt put my name in big bold letters next to the phrase "FUCK YOU"

i dont care if orchestra people read this.. if any are, then for u i say: GO FUCKIN PRACTICE, U NEED IT, TRUST ME

and like there are just little things that go on and i am like, wait a min.... what? but i was informed of the motto: "dont let them know we suck" and it all made sense.

and i mean am i a bad person for not wanting to settle for anything less than the best? i dont think so.. esp. since im paying money for it now..

it is just slowly slowly going down hill.. and it bothers me b/c i dont know how it is going to be a year from now.. like when i am playing my last concert with the orchestra and the choir this time next year, is it something that i am going to be proud of and say yeah im proud to be in that orchestra, or am i just going to be cut? i dont want to be in that situation!

there are so many situations that i dont like to be in right now.. but i dont know what to do b/c 1. i have allowed myself to be treated that way, 2. im not doing a damn thing about it but venting to my orch friends and writing what ever the hell i want to about on here...

music does not/should not equal politics

if u are good then u sit in the front, if u are bad u sit in the back. why is that such a hard concept?

i dont know.. i have probably said too much... dont want big brother on my ass now..

p.s. its very late and i am extremly tired but i cant sleep