freakin tired..

im so unbelieveably tired right now.. i could cry im so tired... and last night i did..

ugh i hate my 9 am class... this is the second class she has cancelled this week.. i could so be sleeping right now... UGH

requium is going to be outrageously shitty...

its really sad how often i hear freshman talk about me behind my back.. thats pretty highschool... but if u are going to do it then try not to tell it to MY FRIENDS... so hears an idea.. just tell other freshman b/c they arent my friends.. glad i could narrow it down for u.. now go sit in the back of the section now..

ok

tim started bartending at jose's last night.. me anu christina allison and heather had dinner there together last night.. and dr. hanna and kyle kindred where there.. and it was weird

it was like an "orchestration project= done" party.. i only had one margarita tho.. it was way yummy.

but i think it made me sick.. or maybe its the lack of sleep

either way

i wish i was in my bed right now

i guess i could go to the bank but walking does not sound appealing right now..

LORD help me if we dont have band director today..

i'm bored

yes.. i dont know what to do with myself right now... the last couple of days has been deicated to my orchestration project.. which has been really really shitty.. but now its done and i dont know what to do...

im really mad at the whole project thing.. especially since i was done yesterday and then i asked him what to do since my piece just kinda stopped... and he was like well where is your last page? and i was like U ONLY GAVE ME 2! so he went searching and made me do another page of music.. i was way pissed..

yesterday was hell and the worst day ever to try to look cute in a skirt and heels.. my feet felt like they were bleeding by the end of the day..

orchestra rehearsal was questionable..

its my mom's birthday

happy Easter

what an easter..

played a church gig this morning with heather brad and mike.. it was pretty kool.. we hardly played but got paid $125.. so it was alright..

i was suppose to drive out to friendswood to see the family but decided that i wasnt going to make it out there b4 my grandma want to leave to go back to san antonio.. so im doing laundry and listening to music and doing homework... alone...

yeah i have so much freakin laundry to do.. and the dryer isnt drying like it should so im still on my first load.. ugh..

i found an abundance of hangers..

im so bored.. i cleaned most of tim's house.. guess that will be my easter present to him..

oh and my give-a-damn's busted..

Yes

orchestra is driving me CRAZY!!!!! it sucks that im starting to hate it.. kinda sad actually.. but im glad i have people that i can talk to about it to..

its just the issuse of people not caring and there being no motivation/standard...

if no one tells u that u are doing something wrong, then u wont change anything.

if no one pushes u or expects better out of you, then y try?

if u do work hard and dont get rewarded for it, then y try?

im tired of not "hurting peoples feelings" or "having a bad attitude"

and i let someone have it one their evaluation last week... i even wrote out a rough draft for the comments section so i wouldnt forget anything.. and i should have done that same thing on others but i got distracted and didnt think about it.. but i hope that person reads what i wrote.. and i know they prob wont think it was me that wrote it and that might be my only regret is that i didnt put my name in big bold letters next to the phrase "FUCK YOU"

i dont care if orchestra people read this.. if any are, then for u i say: GO FUCKIN PRACTICE, U NEED IT, TRUST ME

and like there are just little things that go on and i am like, wait a min.... what? but i was informed of the motto: "dont let them know we suck" and it all made sense.

and i mean am i a bad person for not wanting to settle for anything less than the best? i dont think so.. esp. since im paying money for it now..

it is just slowly slowly going down hill.. and it bothers me b/c i dont know how it is going to be a year from now.. like when i am playing my last concert with the orchestra and the choir this time next year, is it something that i am going to be proud of and say yeah im proud to be in that orchestra, or am i just going to be cut? i dont want to be in that situation!

there are so many situations that i dont like to be in right now.. but i dont know what to do b/c 1. i have allowed myself to be treated that way, 2. im not doing a damn thing about it but venting to my orch friends and writing what ever the hell i want to about on here...

music does not/should not equal politics

if u are good then u sit in the front, if u are bad u sit in the back. why is that such a hard concept?

i dont know.. i have probably said too much... dont want big brother on my ass now..

p.s. its very late and i am extremly tired but i cant sleep

i forgot about LOST

... in my last post...


just wanted to say that i think it is starting to get really good.. i think it is to the point in the season where they need to just wrapping up all the loose ends and creating new ones that can roll over to the next season.. because i want answers damnit. and it seems to be going that way so yay

oh and on a side note: oprah will be really good this week..

ok thats all

i am obsessed with Lost and oprah

=)

my week in review

well monday was the doctors office.. ::sigh:: it just wont get any better for me..
not only do i have crohn's disease but also ulcerative colitis.. yum.. so ulcers in the intestines and now in the colon too.. score(sarcasm) so i guess the blood test he ran on me was like ok u either have one or the other.. so my crohns disease part of it was threw the roof.. like he had a bar gar of me compared to a normal person and it was like 3 times.. and he was like the graph only goes so high, u maxed out the graph.. so i was like oh yay (again sacasm) so then he shows me the ulcerative colitis part and it was across the board positive..

so now the meds... oh god the meds.. its quite insane in my opinion.. 2 pills three times a day.. thats 6 pills a day, 180 pills a month. they came in the tallest medicine bottle i have ever seen and there were two of them full.. and the pills are really huge and bright ass blue.. like i have one of those giant gradma pill boxes with the 7 days in like huge letters and they fill up the box for each day.. and it costs 100 bucks a month with insurance, 360 without.. thats alot.. to me..

so there is that..

recitals everyday this week! they are killing me.. i always have to say to myself "keep your eyes on the prize" i.e. graduation a sesmter earlier

well friday was allison's birthday! it was super fun. we went out to dinner in college station then went out to northgate to go clubbin.. and it was somewhat disasterous but it was all over eventually and everyone is still alive.. aaaaaamen

and then saturday night we went to see the blacked eyed peas in concert at the woodlands.. it was super fun too. =) milly and bisty came out too. cant wait for the rascal flatts to come!

so pics from this weekend's festivities up in the gallery under mine and sam and allisons

what else.. tonight in starting to study for music history ugh

this week was kinda pointless musically. i think if u are in the orch it would make more sense.. except for friday..

friday was the chamber orch in the contempary festival.. playing (dun dun) the shostachovich... we practiced for like 2 hours after not playing it all week.. rehearsal was ok and then i had to convince myself just to go for it.. some times i have to tell myself that i know it and i know the fingerings and everything so just go for it.. and i did and it was amazing.. it was like so amazing it wasnt even funny.. it was soo good, i did so good and i was soo nervous.. this goes on my list of great musical experiences.. it was that good.. and tim came and i think this was one of the only ones he truely enjoyed.. he was like walking with me back to the music building and he was singing it and askin me all these questions about it.. it was really cute.. he was like hyper over it. but so was i..

ouch.. i just dropped this glass thing on my foot and hurts and i dont want to look at it yet..

this post is getting long but i dont care..

i had the biggest piece of cheesecake ever this weekend at johnny carinos.. and i loved it

ok i guess ill cut it off here.. sounds good

Quick Post

ahh going back to the doctor today.. he proved one thing.. IM NOT CRAZY.. i DO have crohn;s disease.. its official..

but now he wants to put me back on this medicine that my other doctor told me wasnt even for what i had.. so me and my mom are going to go see whats up..

i went to three recitals yesterday.. i was going to cry

chamber orchestra concert went well.. i could have done better.. just want to prove that i can do it.. but then mr. wilson called me a badass at anu's party so that made my day..

misty got wasted saturday...

FYI

LOST is getting really good.. im super excited about this weeks episode..

ALLISON IS GOING TO BE 21 ON FRIDAY! yay! off to college station for some mad partying.. then saturday to the woodlands for black eyed peas concert

tim worked at my dads this past saturday.. now he cant give me a hard time about mexican labor.. we are going to work together next week so hopefully that will be better..

requium stared today.. i guess im sitting first chair.. i dont know

bah.

my ipod is completely dead sad day

i know some people that are pretty fucked up.. and i dont understand..

well i guess i better go out to tomball now.. just want to start updating more often